My very good friend Shakira has a fabulous theory that men are just like books. She argued that, like books, all men can be read – although some are harder to understand than others. Some men are completely impossible and others are so simple they don’t even have a blurb on the back. Over a long afternoon of wine, we elaborated this idea and developed categories for all the men we had ever known.
Firstly, there are the pop-up books. They tend to be funny and cute and will probably make you laugh, by appealing to your immature side. However, they are also very, very childish and irrational. Pop-up books never take anything seriously, which at first is fun, but soon becomes irritating. Obviously these kind of men ‘pop-up’ a lot, and the whole relationship is always about sex. This is in stark contrast to the romance novel which is soppy and often clingy. At first they appear sweet and you find their thoughtful gestures touching – but it soon becomes too intense and sickly. These relationships can go on for quite a while but they always have a very predictable ending.
Then there is my personal choice of man. The adventure novel embodies excitement, spontaneity and thrilling encounters (in the Die Hard/James Bond mould.) We all long for one of these at some point in our lives. Adventure books nearly always come in the form of a sexy, attractively arrogant, tall, dark and handsome man. Note man; not boy. There is no long term relationship potential with this kind of man, but if you enjoy and can get your head around the emotional complexities of casual sex, an adventure book will be your perfect companion.
Beware of the mystery novels as it can be difficult to get to grips with. They are highly selective in terms of the information they reveal and sticking with them can result in all kinds of unexpected twists and turns. It is best to approach a mystery with scepticism and no expectations, in case you suffer disappointment. Life with a mystery can be exciting; but be careful as not many people keep these books or read them more than once. A turbulent relationship may have a surprise ending that you are not entirely satisfied with. Then there are the horrors. You have been warned not to go near these by every previous reader but you blithely ignore the tales of woe, in the hope that things will be different for you. These are the very worst kind as they lull you into a false sense of security and then devastate you when least expected. The best course of action is to get rid of this type ASAP.
There is also the erotic novel – these are fabulously sexy and highly enjoyable. However, they are short and to the point. Erotic reads are not exactly a treasure to shelve away for life; but they provide some excellent short-term entertainment.
In contrast, the classic books are often the ones you want for keeps. Despite perhaps initial reservations due to their complexity or appearance, if you work hard to understand and persevere with an intelligent and demanding piece; the rewards can be great. A true loving relationship is sustained on substance and depth; for this purpose something traditional and enduring should be picked off the shelf.
