Lust in Translation author, Pamela Druckerman
“Playing away? Having a bit on the side?”
These are common enough phrases to describe a bit of infidelity. But the Dutch “go strange” the Swedes “Sneak to the left” and the Israelis ‘’eat on the side”. Every national culture has stereotypes, reputations and cultural norms about affairs. What Pamela Druckerman has done, in her book Lust in Translation, is to travel the world in search of discovering just what is ‘normal’, how does national culture influence cultural norms and what even is an affair? I asked the author some questions ahead of her visit to Manchester.
What made you want to write a book about infidelity?
I thought it would be fascinating to travel around the world and look
at cultures through the prism of extramarital sex. I suspected that
the way people cheat tells you a lot about who they are. When I set
out, I wasn’t even sure how I’d find people to interview, or whether
they’d be willing to talk to me.
As a child what was your view of infidelity, did you have the classic
middle class American view of it all as unnatural sin?
I definitely absorbed the view of Hollywood movies that cheaters are
bad people, and that if someone cheats the marriage is automatically
over. When I moved to South America and some married men hit on me, I
lectured them on their responsibilities to their wives. Looking back,
I sounded ridiculous. And I don’t think I made any of them more
faithful.
What was the most surprising thing you discovered in your research?
I interviewed a wealthy businessman in Indonesia who launched a
campaign encouraging men to take multiple wives. He reasoned that if
married men aren’t polygamous, they’ll go to prostitutes instead. He
actually held a competition to select his fourth wife; contestants had
to be under 25 years old and weigh less than 121 pounds. I had
expected to hate this guy, but in person he was extremely charming. I
understood why women – multiple women – were drawn to him.
Which country has the healthiest attitude to infidelity, in your opinion?
I was impressed by the tidiness of the Japanese view: if you pay for
it, it’s not cheating.
Would you ever write about infidelity again, if so what issues
interest you most?
My husband would prefer that I focus on another topic.
What are you writing about next?
I’m working on a book about parenting. It’s a bit less sexy. But I
suppose that since parenting is the consequence of sex, it’s a logical
progression!
Her book has been described as eye-opening, myth-busting, entertaining and suggestive. It is ‘all the fun of an illicit affair with none of the guilt’. Come and hear her speak in Manchester and decide for yourself. Pamela Druckerman will be talking to the Anthropology Society this Thursday November 19, 5pm in the UMSU Council Chambers. Everyone is welcome. No pre-booking required.
February 3rd, 2010 at 19:33
“I was impressed by the tidiness of the Japanese view: if you pay for it, it’s not cheating.”
Is that tidiness or business? I don’t believe that the exchange of money can ever change the moral status of something. Of course, for example, as were I to hire a hitman, I’d still face the possibility of becoming intimately acquainted with one of Her Majesty’s Prisons — quite rightly too, the best place for me!
Or do you mean “pay for” in the sense of retribution, in which case that’s definitely not “tidy”!
Any man who holds a contest for the esteemed title of fourth wife is not only a Darwinistic hero but a complete cunt! Perhaps you were attracted to his exoticism/wealth/charisma/arrogance, but did you, aside from fluttering your eyelashes to foreign plutocrats, focus on wives’ perspectives to infidelity at all? There’s no mention of it here (and that’s not to say that you didn’t, of course), but I suspect they would chirp a different tune.