DiCaprio’s performance cannot be faulted, as both a young J. Edgar and as a decrepit and somewhat delusional old man. The rest of Eastwood’s cast provide equally as credible performances; with Armie Hammer as Edgar’s right hand man and long term partner Clyde Tolson, Naomi Watts as the ever loyal Helen Gandy and Judi Dench as Edgar’s eccentric and overbearing mother. There is even a welcomed minor appearance from Gossip Girl favourite Ed Westwick.

It is a shame then that such a talented cast is let down by an overcomplicated and mind numbingly dull script. One that jumps all over the place and leaves you with a headache rather than the historical insight you might be looking for.

The decision, be it blamed on Dustin Lance Black’s script or Eastwood’s direction, to employ the classic and fairly predictable flashback technique may well have been selected as an attempted dramatic tool to add hindsight or highlight Edgar’s change in character. Instead, however, it causes the script to appear as unstable and irrational as J. Edgar himself looks in his final years.

Despite Eastwood’s claim that he would steer clear of Edgar’s alleged closet homosexuality it is not something that he leaves untouched. When Edgar employs Tolson regardless of his lack of experience or interest in the Bureau you immediately engage in this developing relationship.

The two become inseparable as both colleagues and close acquaintances until their relationship reaches a climax during a passionate kiss and jealous confrontation. But that’s it.

Eastwood quickly makes an almighty leap to an elderly Tolson and Edgar still as close as they once were and leaves us guessing about what on earth happened in between.

Far too many of the integral parts of Edgar’s life are hinted at and not dealt with in enough detail. Such is the case with his relationship with Tolson, many of the illegal strategies he employed and in general his unwavering influence upon America.

Audiences are given a glimpse at a holding of hands or eavesdrop the end of a phone call and then it’s up to us to fill in the blanks.

The absence of any Oscar nominations speaks for itself; after much hype Eastwood disappoints with this tedious and drawn out disaster that even Leo can’t save.

Director: Clint Eastwood

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Armie Hammer, Naomi Watts, Judi Dench, Jeffrey Donovan

2 stars

Moved on from his days of childhood insecurity Mumble (Wood) sees his son Erik (Ava Acres) faced with a similar identity crisis that even a penguin enthused rendition of SexyBack can’t solve. So off Eric waddles with his pals to Adélie-Land in search of some meaning in their penguin lives. Here they encounter the new bird in town, The Mighty Sven, who proved to be a huge annoyance through out. An inspirational penguin that escaped his death by learning to fly – Sven (Hank Azaria) is in fact a Swedish puffin impersonating a penguin, yes really.

This combined with a tenuous plot surrounding the entire Emperor Penguin population being trapped by a giant, shifted iceberg doesn’t leave you hanging off the edge of your seat in anticipation; but what this animated hit lacks in a solid storyline it makes up for in laughs.

Matt Damon and Brad Pitt as comedy krill duo, Will and Bill, continuously entertain on the sidelines as Will attempts to strike out on his own in the big, wide world and reject the conformity of life in a krill swarm. With best friend Bill reluctantly at his side they venture outside the comforts of the swarm and try their hands at turning the food chain on its head to become failed carnivorous crustaceans.

Religious overtones can be seen in Mighty Sven’s preaches of “if you want it, you must will it. If you will it, it will be yours” and there are distinct eco-friendly messages as icebergs collapse in every other scene; all polished off with a good old sing-song. However, this film disappointingly lacks as many toe-tapping remixed hits as the original. Granted the opening medley starts off well and the closing Under Pressure/ Rhythm Nation mix is a successful round-off, especially with P!nks’s lead vocals, but in between these two book end moments a lot of the original songs are second-rate.

Happy Feet 2 is admittedly not as good as the first and is unlikely to be winning as many big awards but regardless will undoubtedly be a festive favourite of the year. Take younger siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins or just go with friends. It’ll leave you feeling warm and fuzzy and will at least give you an excuse to get out of the house during Christmas chaos.

Director: George Miller

Starring: Elijah Wood, Robin Williams, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt

3.5 stars

2. Stir in plenty of male leads. It’s a shame, but films revolving around women just don’t win Oscars. Chicago (2002) was the last to do it and that was a full nine years after Terms of Endearment broke the curse (1983). Even the impeccable Thelma and Louise didn’t get a sniff.

3. Liberally sprinkle on some sap- it always trumps downbeat films. This dates right back to 1938, when Frank Capra’s You Can’t Take It With You beat the far superior anti-war film La Grande Illusion. Not much has changed, with movies like Titanic, Forest Gump and last year’s A King’s Speech turning the sentimentality levels up to 11 to take home the prize. Horrors, notable for their lack of soppiness, are largely snubbed at the Oscars.

4. Fold in a social/political message. Films like Crash or Million Dollar Baby that take a look at prejudice and controversial issues like euthanasia often go down well. Use sparingly though. Too much ‘edge’ will result in your movie tasting more like a nomination than a winner. See Dr. Strangelove or: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb (1964), Reds (1981) and Brokeback Mountain (2005) – all nominated but lost out to films not nearly as impressive, but also not nearly as controversial.

5. Shape into an ‘epic’. If there is one thing that has gone unchanged throughout the Oscars’ history, it’s that the Academy loves epic movies, particularly biopics. This is attributed to what film columnist Ann Thompson calls the “steak eaters”. These are the Academy voters that come from the different craft guilds- sound, effects, sets etc.- and are primarily older men. They will usually vote for grand spectacles with mostly male casts. Good examples include Ben-Hur (1959), Lawrence of Arabia (1962) and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

6. Bring to a boil with some realism; sci-fi movies never win it. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) and E.T: The Extra Terrestrial (1982) were both hit by this curse. Gritty and dramatic pieces following unremarkable people thrown into remarkable situations can be key to leaving your mark. Deer Hunter (1978) Titanic (1997) and Slumdog Millionaire (2009) achieve this expertly.

7. Now add a dose of history. This one could clinch it. Whether it’s a biopic like Gandhi (1982) or fictional account like Dances with Wolves (1990) set during a real historical event, the Oscars go nuts for films set in the past. A King’s Speech (2010) defeating the more modern and unconventional A Social Network (2010) last year showed us that the thirst is still alive. Don’t worry about accuracy levels either; just stick on ‘inspired by real events’ at the start and you can exaggerate a King’s stammer as much as you want.

8. Finally, don’t worry about a big serving, long films are not a problem for the Oscars. Indeed, famous winners Gone with the Wind (1939) and Ben-Hur (1959) both exceeded 3 hours. Be careful not to overdo it though, recent winners suggest voters don’t have quite the same appetite for long flicks.

Now, leave to rise and prepare for a September onwards release. Anything released in the first two quarters is more likely to be forgotten by both the viewer and the Academy. And remember, any hint of animation or a foreign language is likely to leave your film untouched at the judge’s tables.

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Blurry-eyed but excited, my flatmate and I bounded down the stairs like Wicket W. Warrick at Ewok Pride. 9 am. Rice Krispies. The universally panned Episode I is whapped on. On comes the Trade Federation aliens and their stupid mock-Japanese voices, but we, at this point fresh as a space-daisy, were perfectly fine to put up with any clods of steaming bantha fodder this film can throw at us. Pod races, Darth Maul, Captain Panaka, constant, dizzying political discussion surrounding trade – this film has it all. In all fairness though, I have a soft spot for this movie. It’s a lot of fun. Jar Jar should have been frozen in carbonite and thrown down a garbage shoot far, far away though.

Force Factor: 3/5

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Fired up by a combination of universal ‘good guy’ victory in the first one (bar Qui Gon, God rest his midichlorians) and a sense of worried urgency, we put on the second movie straight after the first at 11.02. Widely considered the lamest of the Star Wars flicks, Hayden makes his debut as moody douche Anakin Skywalker and hacks up a few sand people. Apart from that it turns out that far from being a malfunctioning little twerp, R2-D2 can in fact fly; cynical marketing ploy Jango Fett plays on fans’ love of a cult character, and Yoda loses all credibility by hopping about like Zebedee. This isn’t the film you’re looking for.

Force Factor: 2/5

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

We were starting to feel the burn by now and decided to have a 20 minute break. Mickey went at something approaching light speed to the shops to get Doritos dippers and dips, and ran home like a Jawa being chased by an angry Wookie. We quickly punched the power on number 3. This is pretty good actually – it’s a CGI fest of the best kind, and that lightsaber fight at the end really is impressive. Turns out that sinister, creepy, suspiciously pale and Dracula-esque old chancellor is actually evil (who’da thunk it?), and spends the entirety of the film cackling about ‘absolute power’. It was about quarter to four before Vader screamed ‘NOOOOOOO’ and it wrapped up.

Force Factor: 3.5/5

Episode IV: A New Hope

Half way through now. Luckily, the better half was to come. Ate three crunchies for morale boosting purposes, then dossed around until five and suddenly panicked that we wouldn’t be able to finish. On goes A New Hope, and Luke and the gang visit one wretched hive of scum and villainy after another. Luke joins the rebels after he finds the charred remains of his aunt and uncle and with a hop and a skip he destroys the Empire’s main space station. ‘ARRRRgh!’. What’s that, Chewie? This film’s incredible? Sure is!

Force Factor: 4.5/5

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

What an incredible film you’ve discovered! As one of the all time great sequels, this introduces strong new characters including Lando the scoundrel, Yoda the puppet and Boba the mute. We couldn’t fully appreciate its true majesty because our eyes were starting to bleed by this point, but safe to say it was still mildly entertaining to watch Luke’s reaction to Darth’s daddy claim. As the credits rolled at 9.30 we were feeling about as good as Jabba’s personal toilet assistant. Mickey claimed that he might have to lie down, but that was met with hard rebuke from all sides. Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think he underestimated our chances.

Force Factor: 5/5

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

We’re all clear, now let’s watch this film and go home. It’s 10pm. Our eyes sting and our arses ache. This has been an absolutely unbearable experience, but we must soldier on. In case you don’t remember, it’s no moon, it’s another space station. Stop making that mistake. Only this time, they designed it with an even bigger weak spot! So big in fact, that even forest teddies can play quite a big part in taking it down. Luke saves papa Darth and Lando holds up the Death Star’s reputation for being obliterated with minimal effort. Things were bad, but now they’re good. FOREVER!

Force Factor: 4/5

Once the Ewoks had had their tree party we went to bed for a night of throwing up and crying so fast I think we could’ve made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Thoroughly updated on the inner workings of the force, there was little more this experience could teach us apart from that we never wanted to do it again, ever.

Force Factor: considerably depleted.

A cautionary note: if you’re thinking about watching these films, bear with me until the end. Nagisa Oshima is a diverse and strange director, and tends to be very extreme. Having watched these in chronological order, after In the Realm of the Senses Set in beautiful 1930s Tokyo, vibrant with Japanese tradition, the atmosphere dies once the hour of unsimulated sex begins. Imagine how uncomfortable a cinema audience would become (and we can only imagine – it’s been barred from movie theatres for 40 years)! It’s a less depressing, romantic equivalent to Requiem for a Dream – fornication replaces heroin as indulgence takes hold of a husband and his maid cum mistress with deadly consequences. Men: do not watch the final scenes, you’ll be traumatised for life.
After watching this, the only thing impelling me to see the others was a looming deadline, but it was well worth it. Empire of Passion begins in similar taste; I won’t dwell on the ‘art or porn?’ aspect, but the necessity of sex in the opening scenes is dubious. Again, tradition plays a key role in the environment, but this time as a plot aspect too. Surprise, surprise – an affair goes awry. This time it’s the wife, and the husband gets murdered, publicly ‘having started work in Tokyo’. The villagers gossip, the police get involved – but something more supernatural is afoot. Transitioning steadily from romance to horror, those who’ve seen The Ring will see clear similarities.
Leaving the best for last, Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence is far more cross-cultural in comparison to the former flicks. David Bowie plays an adequate Mjr. Jack Celliers, a natural-born leader with a troubled past, alongside Col. Lawrence as POWs in Japan. The plot is overused, the acting meagre, but the sheer strength of the atmosphere overpowers any naysaying. It deals effectively with the effect of war on humanity, attempts to bridge cultural gaps and provides a thought-provoking commentary on the position of Japanese and British identity – you spend too long thinking to criticise its weaker areas. Combined with an incredible score by Ryuichi Sakamoto, come prepared with tissues – it’s a tearjerker.
All in all it’s fairly justified to say that Oshima is a strange director. Whether you think he’s strange in a good way is another question entirely.

1) Bruce Willis

Okay, so technically he is John McClane, amongst other guises, but Willis will always be my number one Bruce. Who else can fight European masterminds/nut-jobs wearing only his vest in the middle of winter? And always with a headache, no matter what film he’s in? Yippee-ky-yay.

2) Bruce Wayne

I’m talking Christian Bale Bruce Wayne here, apologies to the Batman fanatics out there, but he is my personal favourite. He has the sickest car, damn good manners for someone who battles evil at night, and Michael Caine as his butler. If that doesn’t sound heavenly to you, maybe you need to see a doctor.

3) Bruce Bogtrotter

If you don’t remember this kid, dust off your VHS player and watch Matilda. He’s the fat kid with the chocolate cake. Remember him now? He deserves to be on this list for his pure determination about eating that cake – “You can do it Bruce!” The name Bruce was obviously ingrained into my psyche at an early age.

4) Bruce Almighty

He’s got the power. And he got it from Morgan Freeman. He got it from Morgan Freeman as God. Need I say more?

5) Bruce Banner

So, he hasn’t got the best control over his anger. Or the best wardrobe. Or the best skin colour, though I guess it worked for Kermit. Okay, he doesn’t have much going for him, but as far as Bruce’s go he should be here. He could probably give Wayne a run for his money.

Despite a nine year departure from directing and the added challenge of translating a highly provocative and daring source material, Lynne Ramsay has crafted a piece so isolated and claustrophobic it manages to boil the industrial wasteland of Eraserhead down into a dysfunctional family unit. As with her previous work it arrives fresh from Cannes with critical acclaim and, through daring to sidestep the written-letter style of its inspiration, will surely go down as one of the films of the year with a mesmerising central performance.

What is salvaged from the novel stylistically is the temporal distinction, which is crucial in maintaining the mood throughout the narrative. We observe a woman as scenes jump back and forth between the two most pivotal roles of her motherhood; the coming together of her family and the raising of her children, notably the titular Kevin, and reconciliation with herself after a terrible, life-changing incident has occurred. We begin with the mother, Eva (Tilda Swinton), dreaming of idyllic times in the La Tomatina and are slowly pulled into something resembling a bad dream through some fantastically lucid editing, such that even a slow drive down a street on Halloween becomes truly haunting.

At the heart of the film lies the relationship between mother and son, the scenes that set the basis for Kevin’s chilling actions in adolescence. Although criticisms can be levelled towards the portrayal of a younger Kevin, where certain scenes seemingly unfold as pastiches of the hell-child Damien, Ezra Miller is purely chilling as his teenage counterpart. Eva’s ambivalence towards parenthood is now realised as a game, where the motions of family life are undertaken artificially and mutual hatred flourishes. Although John C. Reilly’s role as the father is inspired, his ignorance of Kevin’s actions fuelling antagonism, Swinton is exceptional. She ultimately perpetuates the question that grips you: where does the responsibility lie? It is a case of nature versus nurture, where it is unclear if Kevin’s sociopathic tendencies were innate or born within Eva’s inefficiencies in raising him. This unknowing empowers the film, elevating a brutal character study into a truly chilling piece.

Director: Lynne Ramsay

Starring: Tilda Swinton, Ezra Miller, John C. Reilly

5 Stars

Footloose comes to us as the third film from Craig Brewer (Hustle and Flow, Black Snake Moan) and is as unnecessary and pointless a movie as you are ever likely to see. That doesn’t necessarily make it abysmal, it just means that whilst watching it I was confused as to why anyone thought that this film was the one that deserved a remake.

After five teenagers from a small Southern town die in a car crash after a night of dancing fuelled debauchery, Rev. Shaw Moore (Dennis Quaid) takes it upon himself to outlaw such sinful practices. This provides the backdrop for the arrival of big-city Boston boy Ren MacCormack (Kenny Wormald) whose outrageous hair and accent set him at odds with the town’s religious establishment. After several run-ins with the law of the town and with Moore’s wayward daughter Ariel (Julianne Hough) he decides to take it upon himself to fight for the town’s collective right to party.

And apart from some minor changes that is pretty much the plot of the 1984 original as well. Even with all the clumsily forced Apple product placement the movie fails to feel modern or relevant in the slightest. The town that Ren finds himself in could exist anywhere between the 1960s and the present day. I don’t know, maybe all people from the South are all either hilarious rednecks or fiery conservatives but it certainly doesn’t make for convincing characters. Stereotypes abound with Ren’s dumb yet lovable friend Willard (Miles Teller), who seems to be the only young person in this small town who can’t dance and so comes of as some sort of cripple compared to the astounding athleticism displayed by everyone else, and Ariel’s boyfriend Chuck (Patrick John Flueger). All that you need to know about him is that he is a NASCAR-like racing driver called Chuck. You can pretty much fill in the blanks from there.

When the story actually does drag its sorry ass to the dancing scenes (of which there seem to be surprisingly few) they are, as dancing scenes go, fairly well done. Same goes for the preposterous bus racing scene or any scene where the rednecks try and start a fight. It’s just that when it’s all put together it doesn’t really amount to much. The worst thing that can be said about it is that it’s dull, and in a movie that’s all about the joys of having fun that’s not exactly a plus.

Director: Craig Brewer

Starring: Kenny Wormald, Julianne Hough, Dennis Quaid

2 stars

The scene was set, the table laden with chips, dips and enough fizzy pop to put us in direct competition with Paula Radcliffe. The duvets were on the sofa, the DVD in the player, all plans for the day had been cancelled and the ‘play feature’ option had been selected, it had begun. Quickly, the first topic of conversation arose; Frodo’s sexuality.  Questions were also asked about little boys hugging old men with promises of surprises, but it was agreed by all that Gandalf was pretty much God and therefore could have absolutely no ulterior perverted motives. The first movie progressed without much issue. As soon as the credits rolled, the rush to the toilets had begun and the group of previously innate students suddenly became akin to the orcs of Mordor, squabbling and fighting over who would get the first piss.

The second movie began in the early afternoon. Some of our group had been lost along the way (much like the fellowship itself) and provisions were running low by the time Gandalf reappeared. We took to rationing. 5 Pringles, a handful of Doritos and a glass of coke each was all that we had left. The trek to Mordor was going to be hard. We had barely gotten to the battle of Helm’s Deep when the decision had been made. We couldn’t go on like this, something had to be done. Half an hour later the movie had finished and there was a convenient knock at the door. The pizza had arrived!

The last movie began at around 5pm. Our sorry fellowship had been reduced to four, yet our spirits were kept high by 12 inches each of Meat Feast. By now we were all restless, mentally exhausted and ready to give in. But together we persevered, and before we knew it, Frodo was in Mordor. It felt like our whole lives had been leading up to this moment. The finish line was in sight and the Dark Lord nearly vanquished.  That’s when we remembered about the extra 20 minutes of hugging and laughter that occurs at the end.

11 hours ago we had set out from the shire, and since then we had come so far. Our marathon was over, and it was now time to keel over with exhaustion

Out later this month is an interesting change of pace from Knocked Up star Seth Rogan, as he stars alongside Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 50/50, a comedy-drama about relationships, friendship and a young man who discovers he has cancer. It will face steep competition at the box office, though, from Moneyball, a baseball drama-comedy starring Seth’s oft-collaborator Jonah Hill alongside Brad Pitt and Philip Seymour Hoffman. December sees the theatrical release of Junkhearts, which premiered at this year’s BFI London Film Festival, to wide critical acclaim, and tells the story of haunted ex-soldier Frank and off-the-rails single mother Christine. So who needs TV, with a winter of films like these?

Ken Loach is famous for his pioneering of social realism in British Cinema, and whilst the story is slightly different to his usual approach, the message remains the same. A Cantona-obsessed postie in Manchester is watching his life slipping into chaos. His kids are disobedient and are running with the wrong crowd, the love of his life is lost to him due to him being a short sighted tit earlier in life, and he can’t afford to see his beloved Manchester United due to the new ownership and the harsh economic climate of the present.

To get away from it all one day, he steals his son’s weed and puffs his day away. No sooner is he done than his idol and namesake Eric Cantona appears to him and begins turning his life around with his bizarre philosophy and stern French pouting. As per usual with Loach’s film, it’s not exactly a barrel of laughs all the way through, and watching it on a hangover/comedown may reduce you to a blob of emotional jelly at points, but the ending of the film will brighten up your day. Of course if you are a City fan then 116 minutes of undiluted devotion to United might be a bit much to handle.

This scene between John Travolta and Uma Thurman revolutionised cheesy dance moves. Their repertoire includes the classic fingers across the eyes and the front crawl. The combination of crap dancing and crap haircuts makes this scene cringe worthy but oddly stylish.

4. Little Miss Sunshine

The pinnacle scene in the film, Abigail Breslin’s inappropriate ‘Super Freak’ dance at the beauty pageant not only provides a display of what can only be described as cheeky jumping about, but also sees the Hoover family finally coming together. It also brilliantly sticks two fingers up at pageant culture.

3. Pride and Prejudice

Sexual tension is what makes this dance scene between Kiera Knightley and Matthew Macfayden so entrancing. Tension is built by the fact that they are only allowed to touch hands. It becomes too hot to handle when they stop midway through to glare at each other, nose to nose.

2. Moulin Rouge!

No, not the obvious number at the beginning. I’m thinking the epic tango dancing that accompanies the narcoleptic Argentinean’s rendition of Roxanne. The scene is haunting and sensual as the massive chorus dance in perfect unison. It’s spine-tingling stuff.

1. (500) Days of Summer

After spending the night with Zooey Deschanel, Joseph Gordon-Levitt goes bopping through the streets in glee. The whole scene is kooky and clichéd but fits in so well with the rest of the film. Ok it’s not the most technically advanced choreography but it’s so joyful you just want to join right in with him.

Among the most enduring B-movies in film history, The Fly’s premise of teleportation gone Kafka after a scientist accidentally splices his genes with a household insect is pop culture 101. Based on the 1957 short story of the same name by George Langelaan, the original is a loyal adaptation, barring the book’s bleaker ending. The concept is perfect for the screen. Regrettably, there’s little more to recommend. Enshrined in a nostalgic bubble which has deemed it a critical darling since its release, the reality is that of a missed opportunity. A flashback structure robs the film of suspense, relying instead on tragedy.  Unfortunately the central performances are muddled, be-flyed hero Andre Delambre’ s spouts largely ludicrous dialogue, and his initial life of saccharine privilege is tough to warm to. Helene, Andre’s wife, is presented bizarrely as both a strong central protagonist and also as the subject of misogynistic contempt. Vincent Price steals every scene he’s in, but you knew he would.  It ought to be providing Quatermass Experiment level scares, but beyond a startling reveal including some quivering mandibles, little even wobbles the nerves, and the afflicted performance has more similarities with Dr Strangelove’s struggle with his errant Nazi-hand than a trans-dimensional aberration.  There are things to recommend, it’s breezily paced and the famous ‘Help Me!’ scene is still genuinely unpleasant, though inescapably silly.

Remake (1986)

Forward 28 years to the movie that gave body horror its big mainstream break and the world the tagline ‘Be afraid, be very afraid’, David Cronenberg takes the basics of the original and explores the human drama the 1958 version failed to render.  As much a love story, Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis have a palpable on-screen chemistry, helped by Cronenberg skinning the story to three central characters. Unlike the post-nuclear mentality of the original, the individualism of the 1980s has produced a film about illness and how we respond to the deterioration of those we love. Seen by many at the time as a film about AIDs, it successfully conveys all these ideas without ever shedding its qualities as an entertainment. Despite being 25 years old, it’s still a truly disgusting movie, with Oscar winning make up, and the finest performance in Goldblum’s career. His portrayal of insectoid tics veers effortlessly between comic and deranged. And the finale is five of the finest minutes cinema has to offer. Be afraid? I’d be surprised if that’s all you took from it.

Does the world need another Johnny English film? Put simply, no! The story is basically irrelevant; it’s just a vehicle for Rowan Atkinson making a fool out of himself. Similar films in the same ilk are Pink Panther and Get Smart, where you get a detective/special agent who clumsily go about their business creating humorous moments for the audience but still manage to get the job done. Does anyone actually like these films? I would say it is a tired overused genre already.
It’s obvious that the film is targeted at families with young children. The children will no doubt be kept amused by Johnny English’s silliness, but I feel sorry for the parents who have to sit through this. So reader, if you are a parent (which I doubt you are), don’t pay the money for this unless you are really big fan of Mr. Bean. Because let’s face it, Johnny English is just Mr. Bean with a nice suit.

It started off reasonably well, with the odd snigger and smirk, but as time elapsed I became more and more frustrated with Johnny’s idiocy. He’s a terrible spy, lewd and a little bit racist, but MI7’s decision to re-hire Johnny English was unforgivable in my eyes because of one key thing: it created an awful unwanted sequel. Honestly, Johnny, I’ve had enough of you. I know you eventually saved the day and all, but it was an accident. A fluke! I certainly wouldn’t hire you myself. So I’m advocating early retirement for Agent English, and we can all just forget this mess ever happened. But then again, Rosamund Pike is in this film and she’s ridiculously hot. So not all bad!

Director: Oliver Parker

Starring: Rowan Atkinson, Rosamund Pike, Dominic West

2 stars

It cannot be denied, Allen secured a tip-top cast. The acting throughout was thoroughly convincing; you could have been watching it happen in real life. I will admit though, before going into the film, I was worried about his lead actor. Owen Wilson has only ever been a DVD man in my life so far. I’ve never really had the inclination to see any of his films on their initial release in a cinema. No, not even with the added allure of a cute dog in Marley and Me. However, in Midnight in Paris he gives his puppy dog friend a run for his money in the adorability stakes. He’s not soppy or sickening, just hopelessly romantic in a Ryan-Gosling-in-The-Notebook way. He does an excellent job of steering the film throughout a storyline that quickly became tiresome, losing its sense of originality.

The central characters were left frustratingly undeveloped and no amount of good acting could rescue it, which was a massive shame. The script was severely lacking in depth, the dialogue was either really uninspiring or was heavily repeated. Overkill and too much stereotyping in the script really made this film lose its creative zest. Some of the scenes seemed to go around in circles and dwelt upon the main themes too much. The point of the film was made very clear to the audience, but was then needlessly reinforced by a boring stretch of dialogue between Wilson and Marion Cotillard. It left you thinking ‘alright alright, I get it’.

Despite its flaws, this film was enjoyable to watch, mostly due to the whimsical style that means it doesn’t take itself too seriously. Visually and musically Midnight in Paris was enchanting. It just needed to be longer so that the repetitions and inconsistencies had more of a chance to be straightened out.

Director: Woody Allen

Cast: Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Kathy Bates, Marion Cotillard

3 Stars

WHO DIRECTED THE 1925 VERSION OF THE LOST WORLD?

A) James B. Renaulds

B) Harry O. Hoyt

C) Toby T. Goodge

D) Curtis J. Jackson

Email your answers to film@mancunion.com GOOD LUCK!!!!

Triceratops Family from John Garden on Vimeo.