APPARENTLY IN the Middle Ages there was such a thing as the Feast of Fools, whereupon feudal underlings were treated to a temporary pageant of bodily excess, bawdy and clownish behaviour and various subversions of reality in order for them to return to work the following day satiated and submissive.
Fast forward about 750 years and what do you find? Such a thing as student-life whereupon feral undergraduates are treated to a temporary pageant of bodily excess, bawdy and clownish behaviour and various subversions of reality. There’s no getting away from it; while student-life at Manchester is, thankfully, slightly more multifarious than a VK and a kebab, it is undeniably shaded with the vomit-green-tinge of Apple Sourz.
Even the most feckless of Freshers couldn’t fail to notice how binge-drinking is quite literally rammed down our throats - heck, it has even featured in the News pages of this very paper, which leads to a deflatingingly inevitable conclusion that booze forms a massive part of our so-called “culture”. Were I more cynical, or perhaps less fond of gin and tonic, I would suggest at this point that never has it seemed more apt that this word can describe growths of bacteria as well as our social practices.
As is my wont, I am going to take a moment to state the flippin’ obvious: getting drunk is fun. Often, it’s a lot of fun. But what about when the fun stops? Increasingly student life is serving as a brief three or four year respite between the non-stop barrage of exams that is secondary school education and the inevitable banality of nine-to-five employment. It’s becoming our very own drunken Feast of Fools, and what’s more it is seemingly encouraged. Seneca (a Roman chappie, not a type of Renault) said that “what once were vices are manners now,” and I personally believe he was referring to Friday night at Robbo’s.
Of course, the fact that a few drunken years at university are now seen as a rite of passage is great for the actual universities themselves as it means, feudal lord-like, they can abdicate from their more traditional responsibilities. University prospectuses are all keen to up-sell the social aspects of the city or campus, but what are we missing out on or choosing to overlook in the name of a swift half or week-night clubbing? Like the feudal underlings before us, are we allowing an all too brief Carnivalesque reprieve blind us from a stagnant reality? If students didn’t spend so much time wasted or hung-over, might they realise that they’re being short-changed?
Would we start to question why, as an internationally recognized university, our library doesn’t open twenty-four hours even in exam periods? Would we start to rue the sometimes pathetic totals of contact time rather than revel in this minimal amount of time away from socializing? Would we notice when lecturers let us down? Would we find it irritating when seminar leaders routinely haven’t prepared rather than a relief not to have to engage our brains after yet another heavy session? Would we query the levels of exploitation exercised by student landlords? Would we demand to know why our Union seems to frequently prioritise The Academy or private business over student activities? Would being sober galvanise the apathetic majority towards a level of political activism not seen since the sixties?
Well we’ll never know; far too many of us will be too busy getting mashed and chances are that come Saturday this page will be being used to absorb all manner of unholy concoctions and bodily fluids at house parties in the wilds of Withington.
So what’s to be done? Perhaps it’s for the best, after all there already aren’t enough jobs waiting for graduates when we finally roll home from this uniquely crafted Feast of Fools, so we may well be happiest living for the weekend. Alternatively perhaps, in light of all this, universities could follow in McDonald’s footsteps and start to offer us a vocational qualification that reflects our hours of hard graft propping up the bar, setting us up nicely for a lifetime behind it? Or would that just be foolish?
Is Jennie being foolish? Tell us on letters@student-direct.co.uk
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