Bedroom Blunders

Here is a run-down of the ‘cream’ of the crop and the wisdom we gained from these sticky predicaments.

Fanny Fart

This unfortunate explosion, traditionally originating from a different orifice, is perhaps a girl’s worst nightmare. Sadly, its occurrence is less than rare. In the event of a southern squelch it is essential to remain unfazed and remember that you are not the first to experience this and, if possible, blame it on the dog. Moral of the story: keep your head (even though you may not be getting any for a while) and remember to giggle!

LimpDick Syndrome

Sometimes even the most spunky of bikers fails to ‘rise’ to the occasion. Guys, if this should happen to you, the most important thing to do is not be afraid to talk about it. The cause could be any number of factors from stress, alcohol, nerves or even tiredness. Also, remember that there are MANY other ways to titillate your tart. Girls, don’t take it personally, it is not because your bum is too big. Don’t pretend you don’t care unless you want to spend the rest of your life being satisfied by a Bunny. Also remember not to make a big deal out of it, if you bang on about it, it’ll be the last bang you get.

Lock Jaw / Tongue Cramp

During particularly arduous sessions down under, muscle fatigue can be an issue. The important thing to remember here is that warming up is essential. Girls - various anatomical areas requiring attention can be used to warm up the jaw muscles to prevent strain. The ears, neck, nipples and inner thighs are all good areas to administer oral care to. Guys - take some short breaks; use your finger or penis to give your tongue a rest, and have a Kit Kat.