Chat to Charlie

I’m a cheater

Dear Charlie,
My boyfriend dumped me a few months ago but we soon got back together. Since then, I have cheated on him with several other people, including two people I lived with last year. I don’t really understand why I am doing this, because I care about him deeply and feel guilty afterwards. He is at a different university so I only see him at weekends and I enjoy our time together. I’m terrified he will find out and I want us to stay together.
Liz, 23

Dear Liz,
It sounds as though you are subconsciously punishing your boyfriend for the hurt he caused when he dumped you, by being unfaithful to him. Good relationships are based on honesty and trust, not deceit and revenge. If you really do care about your boyfriend, then you will tell him the truth. He will be angry and you have to accept he has every right to be. Whether or not your relationship survives the confession, at least you will know that you did the right thing in the end.
Charlie

My flatmate’s on drugs

Dear Charlie,
I’m really worried about my flatmate. She failed her first year and has now dropped out of uni to work in a bar. She says it’s because she hates her course but I think it has more to do with the amount of weed she smokes and the coke she snorts. Since she has been doing drugs she has lost a lot of weight and seems tired and moody. I’m scared she is just going to waste her life.
Aoife 19

Dear Aoife,
I sympathise with you. It can be very difficult to watch a friend’s personality change because of drugs. It might be a good idea to talk to her but be careful not to preach because this would push her away even more. However, chances are she knows what she is doing to herself and would appreciate someone who cares to be there for her. Try suggesting activities that don’t involve drink or drugs- go to the cinema together, or take a trip to a theme park. It might help her to remember that life has plenty of natural highs.
Charlie

Down in the dumps

Dear Charlie.
I get really depressed around this time of year and find it really hard to get out of bed or concentrate on work. I’m in my third year and I’m really scared that I am going to get behind and get a rubbish degree.
Michael 21

Dear Michael,
It could be that you suffer from Seasonal Affected Disorder. Remember that you don’t have to experience depression alone. Visit your GP or speak to the university counselling service. Make sure that your personal tutor is aware of any problems that may affect your work. Also if you have nice flatmates, maybe they would sometimes bring you a coffee to help you get up in the morning! Good Luck,
Charlie