Secretly everyone has sexual fantasies ranging from on the grand piano to in a public park.
Sex on public transport is one of our favourites, and more easily satisfied, fantasies. Whether planned or off the cuff it can be one of the more exhilarating ways to drive the train into the tunnel.
The budget ride: Upstairs on a Magic Bus (Stagecoach is way too classy) is the perfect opportunity to give a granny a good gander and get your fill. We recommend the backseat for optimum privacy. Here you will also experience the titillation of the dodgy back suspension for added vibrations.
The standard fare: The Virgin Pendolino service allows a more private and hygienic experience. The toilet facilities have more than sufficient space for all sorts of positions while the tilting quality, kindly provided by Mr. Branson, can enhance one’s carnal exploits.
Beware of the electronic locks unless you want to expose yourself to the rest of the train. Business Class: Travelling by taxi is commonly considered the ultimate student luxury but if you want a fumble whilst in transit this could be for you. Beware of sudden braking and roundabouts if you want to avoid bruising. Tip generously, and wipe before you leave.
First class: If your journey is to warmer climes you may have the opportunity to join the mile high club, normally considered the pinnacle of potential transport escapades. Beware that you don’t hit the panic button with your vigorous humping, unless you want a threesome with the stewardess. Post-coital smoking is definitely not permitted.
With love, Dirty Geoff & Naughty Nige
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