TV Ate my Coursework

 

Many students own televisions. Some of us even own TV Licenses. The ‘average’ member of the British public watches 25 hours of TV per week. Television is so ubiquitous that it is difficult to imagine a world without it. So what effect does this dearth of television viewing have on students? Does it relax the stress of work or distract us from impending deadlines?

 

“I watch a lot of telly,” admits Rachel, a third year History student, “My favourite shows are Hollyoaks and Scrubs. Sometimes I miss lectures and slob out, watching TV all day.” When asked if this meant she missed coursework deadlines she replied in the negative, but added, “When I’m on my PC typing up coursework I can get distracted by streaming episodes of Sex and the City or The Mighty Boosh.”

 

So even when we are away from our TV sets, we will often still watch television programmes by streaming episodes via broadband. This tendency has manifested itself in falling TV viewing figures. This shift from TV to PC simply cuts out the adverts, which has increasingly hit commercial broadcasters’ profits. Streaming and downloading has been targeted by the TV and record industry, who are keen to clamp down on the practise. Seeing their revenues fall, they have teamed up with enforcement agencies to shut down bit-torrent download sites such as Oink as well as streaming sites such as TV-Links. But no sooner has one streaming site closed, another takes its place.

 

But does television have a negative effect on people? Clearly some think so, such as the inventor of ‘TV B-Gone’, the universal remote control which turns off any television by ‘Zapping every television in sight…at the pub, at your neighbour’s, at the airport…any place that needs a break from the onslaught of the idiot box.’ This invention seems squarely aimed at intrusive manifestations of television. The key-ring sized gadget would certainly be a useful addition to the armoury of any pub goer who resents being sidelined on a match day. There are a surprising amount of potential applications of this device however, with an increasing amount of our lives intruded upon by screens; overlooking the post office queue, dominating the Triangle shopping area or Piccadilly Gardens, there are even monitors in the Union bar, constantly showing random 1980’s music videos.

 

With the increase in television channels that satellite brought, and now digital, there is a shortage of high quality content, leading to some very poor programming. Channel Five and Sky Three fill their schedules with cheaply produced, low quality content. Channel Five pioneered terrestrial programming of shabby imported sports coverage. Although this coverage mostly consists of interminable four a.m. Baseball matches, some ironic pleasure can be had.

 

One such example is Domino day. In this stunning annual event teams from mainland Europe compete to create huge painted wood based tapestries, which become gradually visible as the dominoes fall. The resulting pictures appear to compete for most silly, most desperate to be relevant to the modern world and most culturally insensitive. As the teams celebrate the agony and ecstasy of top-level domino playing, there is tragedy hidden behind the team hugs and fists punched in the air.

 

There was an incident in the 2005 domino event where a swallow swooped down from the rafters of the aircraft hangar where the event was held and perched atop a domino, thus knocking over 24 000 of them. Fortunately the bird was speedily dispatched by an on-hand marksman before it could further damage their world record attempt, and despite this setback the teams managed to topple a whopping 1.13 million little bits of wood. This show must surely have literally tens of fans, all around the Benelux countries, as well as at least one in Manchester.

 

 

 

 

The BBC remains one of the few truly nationalised amenities in the UK, something we should all be proud of. The license fee might be the only thing stopping Rupert Murdoch’s Newscorp from owning and controlling all information. Newscorp currently owns The Sun, The Times, News of the World, MySpace, HarperCollins, Sky, 20^th Century Fox and more. You need not be a conspiracy theorist to fear further conquest of the world by Rupert. The license fee may be an overdraft busting charge, but on balance it is well worth paying. It’s either that or Sky will start producing Neighbours: In the City and nobody need see Harold in the buff.

 

Some students may be distracted from their studies by television, whilst others use it as a means of socialising. And whilst there is a lot of poor quality television out there, we will always find new ways of enjoying it. So whether you are streaming the latest high-falutin’ HBO drama or just telling Barry Scott of the Cillit Bang adverts to ‘calm down’, you will probably be getting some pleasure from television. Bill Hicks may have said that “Watching TV is like throwing black paint on your third eye”, but had he seen Domino Day perhaps he would have changed his mind.